There was a time when getting a drink of water meant finding a tap, leaning over, and carrying on with your day. Today, it seems to require a serious financial commitment, an insulated 1.2-litre pastel tumbler, and a personality profile to match.
While carrying a water bottle the size of a fire extinguisher has become the ultimate modern accessory, it raises a fair question: when did basic survival get so complicated - and how much water do we actually need?
Walk into almost any office, gym, shopping centre or coffee shop, and you will find enormous stainless-steel cylinders, pastel-coloured tumblers, bottles with handles, bottles with straws, bottles with motivational markings and some large enough to keep a small family hydrated through a long weekend in the Karoo.
Some have names, stickers and even their own little carrying bags.
The bottle has become the accessory
A modern water bottle is no longer something that transports water; it is an accessory.
There are bottles for gym-goers, office people, hikers, commuters and bottles for people who want everyone to know that they drink two litres of water before lunch.
They come in all shapes, sizes and colours that sound like something from a paint catalogue. Sage, oat, blush, sand, eucalyptus and whatever mushroom is supposed to look like.
The old 500ml bottle now seems almost modest. Why carry half a litre when you can carry 1.2 litres? Or two litres? Or enough water to survive the week?
Some of them are so big that you wonder whether the person is carrying it to drink from or water the plants.
To be fair, we do need water
For all the fun we can have with it, the basic idea is that we still need water.
The National Academies estimates that the adequate intake for total water is around 3.7 litres a day for men and 2.7 litres for women aged 19 to 30.
But before you start panicking about falling behind on your hydration target, there is an important catch.
That figure includes all water from food, beverages and drinking water. Around 80% of total water intake comes from drinks and water, with the rest coming from food.
Your coffee counts, milk in your cereal counts, and the watermelon you ate while pretending it was a healthy lunch also counts.
And no, you don't necessarily have to empty that enormous bottle three times a day.
The brain question
Hydration also seems to have become the latest answer to almost every minor human problem.
Tired? Can't concentrate? Forgot where you put your phone? Walked into the kitchen and forgot why? Probably dehydration. Drink water.
The science, however, is different.
A systematic review looked at 33 studies involving 3,636 adults and examined whether hydration status influenced executive functions such as working memory, attention and task switching.
Some studies suggested an effect, while others found little or no meaningful difference. In other words, the evidence doesn't really support the idea that being slightly thirsty instantly turns your brain into mush.
That’s comforting, because I have forgotten why I walked into the kitchen or where I put the car keys or wallet.
Where hydration matters
There is stronger evidence when it comes to exercise, particularly in heat.
A systematic review and meta-analysis covering 64 trials involving 643 participants found that replacing fluids after dehydration improved continuous exercise performance. The benefit was greatest when exercise lasted longer and took place in hotter environments.
A January afternoon in Johannesburg can turn a gentle walk into an expedition, while anyone who has spent time exercising outdoors in Durban's humidity will understand that water is not just an accessory.
The research also suggests that dehydration can become more consequential when heat is involved, because the body has to work harder to regulate its temperature.
So perhaps a giant bottle isn't entirely ridiculous, although I don’t get why you would need a litre when you’re walking between aisles while shopping.
The great South African bottle test
A good South African water bottle also has to survive things that its European cousins probably don't encounter.
It will be thrown into the back of a bakkie, left in a hot car, dropped on a pavement and probably forgotten at a braai.
It needs to keep water cold through a Northern Cape summer and also not leak into your laptop bag.
We have become serious about not being thirsty
The amusing thing about the water bottle craze is how much effort we put into something humans have been doing for thousands of years.
People once crossed deserts with a leather pouch, but now we have an insulated 1.5-litre bottle with a silicone boot, carry handle, interchangeable straw and a motivational timetable telling us to "drink up!" at 10am.
And somehow, we sometimes still forget to drink the water.
I know I have started the day with good intentions and have a water bottle next to me but by lunchtime it’s still staring at me, especially in winter.
Then later in the day I realise it hasn’t been touched and attempt to drink half a litre in one go.
Somehow it’s not an accessory then but more of a chore.
The bottle isn’t the problem
There is nothing wrong with drinking more water or carrying a reusable bottle because it’s kinder to the environment, and there is certainly nothing wrong with taking hydration seriously when you're exercising or spending time in the heat.
But you don't need the biggest bottle, one with motivational messages or an app to tell you that you haven't drunk enough.
Drink when you're thirsty, pay attention to the heat and exercise and eat your fruit and vegetables.
And if you want to carry a bottle the size of a fire extinguisher because it makes you happy, that's perfectly fine too.
Just don't leave it in the car or forget it at home because there are few things more disappointing than reaching for your premium lifestyle water bottle on a hot afternoon only to discover that you don’t have it.
willem.vdputte@nationalmg.co.za