Every day, parents drop their children off at school, assuming a comfortable home and good grades are enough to protect them from deep psychological pain.
Yet an alarming reality is unfolding across South Africa: children as young as 12 are turning their suffering inward, choosing silent isolation or self-harm over asking for help.
As thousands of young people battle overwhelming anxiety and loneliness behind closed doors, it is clear that material security does not equal emotional safety, and the gap between how our children appear and how they actually feel has never been wider.
The statistics
Emotional distress among young people is no longer an invisible or isolated issue; it is a public health urgency. In South Africa, the statistics reveal a sobering truth about how early this pain begins.
"The Department of Basic Education reported in 2025 that National Department of Health data showed approximately 7,426 children under 18 were treated for suicide attempts between April and December 2024," notes Dr Tash Reddy, a psychologist, mental health and trauma awareness practitioner.
Globally, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 1 in 7 adolescents (ages 10-19) experiences a mental health condition, with suicide the third leading cause of death among people aged 15-29.
Why children turn pain inward
Why would a young person resort to self-harm instead of talking to a parent or counsellor?
Mental health professionals point to a combination of internal emotional overload and modern peer dynamics.
"Calling it simply a 'trend' would be too simplistic, because research shows that self-harm can arise from a range of psychological difficulties, including attempts to regulate overwhelming emotions, cope with distress or punish oneself."
A 2024 systematic review of 117 studies found that these internal motivations were particularly common among young people who self-harm.
"Peer influence, however, cannot be dismissed. Research examining 90 studies found significant associations between young people's self-harm and self-harm thoughts or behaviours among their peers, although researchers caution that the relationship is complex and does not establish that one child simply causes another to self-harm.
"The more troubling question, therefore, may not be whether children are 'copying' each other, but whether repeated exposure can make a previously unthinkable behaviour seem familiar to a vulnerable young person," says Reddy.
She notes from clinical experience, "In my own work, this is the part that concerns me most. I am increasingly seeing children and teenagers arrive with variations of the same underlying problem: they are experiencing emotions they do not know how to manage and, in some cases, have turned to self-harm rather than speaking about what is happening inside them."
Furthermore, research indicates that peer influence plays a nuanced role. While one child doesn't simply "copy" another, repeated exposure within peer groups can make a previously unthinkable action feel like an accessible coping mechanism to a vulnerable teenager.
The myth of the "protected" child
Reddy shares that perhaps the single biggest barrier to early intervention is the assumption that children who come from comfortable, stable backgrounds are automatically immune to mental illness.
"A private school does not protect a child from depression, two parents do not guarantee emotional safety, and financial comfort cannot insulate a young person from loneliness, bullying, anxiety, trauma, rejection, shame or overwhelming expectations.
"Material provision may tell a child that she is cared for, but emotional connection tells her that she is understood."
A child sitting at the dinner table, getting top marks and participating in family activities may still be fighting an overwhelming private battle. The absence of obvious behavioural breakdown should never be mistaken for emotional health.
Bridging the communication gap
The shift toward prevention requires parents and caregivers to alter the way they interact with their children daily.
Reddy suggests:
- Ask about feelings, not only performance: Instead of only asking, "Is your homework done?" or "How did you do on the test?", ask: "Did you feel lonely today?", "Is anything making you anxious?" or "Do you feel like you belong?"
- Watch for changes in behaviour: Distress in youth rarely looks like explicit sadness. It often presents as irritability, sudden perfectionism, emotional withdrawal or physical complaints like chronic stomach aches.
- Respond without anger or judgement: If a child reveals self-harm or suicidal thoughts, reacting with panic, anger or accusations of attention-seeking closes the door to communication.
"Ultimately, the question confronting parents is painfully simple: Do you know how your child is really doing, or do you only know how your child appears to be doing? The difference could be enormous.
"Sometimes the child who says 'I'm fine' is not asking us to accept the answer; sometimes she is waiting to see whether we care enough to ask again."
Reddy says professional assessment is recommended where self-harm or suicidal thoughts are present, and immediate emergency assistance should be sought where a child is at imminent risk.
alyssia.birjalal@nationalmg.co.za