Although many of us have not watched One Tree Hill, myself included, it might be fair to say that we have all seen that one infamous scene from the teen drama series.
You know the one. It’s meme-worthy, laughed at, derided — a melodramatic comedy of errors so absurd, so surreal, it went beyond parody and satire into the realm of slapstick. Indeed, the scene, for which I have no contextual understanding or any dog in the fight to criticise, wouldn’t be out of place in Airplane!, Hot Shots!, a Leon Schuster flick, or any of Mel Brooks’s presentations.
In the episode “Find Yourself Gone” somewhere in season six, the ludicrousness of the scene unfolds. OTH fans will tell you that the series ran for nine seasons and 187 episodes, to which I would say, while sweeping my arm, that there is “a whole world out there that you and I know nothing about.”
But I digress… in the episode, the villain of the show — I suspect he is the moustache-twirling type — is awaiting a heart transplant in hospital. The editing cuts to him in a wheelchair, then to the nurse (?), attendant (?), paramedic (?) rushing through corridors of the building carrying a white box conspicuously labelled “ORGAN DONOR” in screaming red.
That brah is on a mission, power-walking to the surgical theatre. The next shot cuts to casualty, methinks, where a patient is sitting patiently waiting for help. He has brought his golden retriever, leashed, with him, and as is the wont of that breed, the dog is going about his business, sniffing and befriending other patients. Cut back to the villain, then the organ, and then the dog bolting towards something it has found interesting, pulling its lead taut.
The nurse-slash-attendant-slash-paramedic trips over the leash, spilling the heart onto the floor with pack ice scattering across the ground, the villain watching the scene unfold before him. The dog spots the heart, makes a straight line for it, picks it up and chews down on it.
In disbelief, the baddie looks on, the hospital extras gasp in shock, and as it happens, the protagonist arrives to stare the antagonist in the eye with a smirk, the comeuppance fully achieved.
It is a ridiculous turn of events.
Now, the callous manner in which that precious organ was treated in OTH had me chuckling to myself on Saturday ahead of kick-off to the first Test of Rugby’s Greatest Rivalry between the Springboks and All Blacks at Ellis Park.
The trophy for the four-match series was on display in the media centre. It divides in half and then combines to represent the history and tradition of the rivalry.
Great care has been taken in sculpting the trophy, and that care extended to its transport. Two attendants, dressed in chic black and wearing white gloves, were entrusted with the logistics of moving it to and fro.
Down to the field it was taken, lifted upon a plinth for the captains — Gary Teichmann and Sean Fitzpatrick — of the 1996 series to hold aloft in the pre-game ceremony. You’d imagine the same meticulous process was followed to pack and unpack the silverware.
The process was intricate: first, the hard case was opened, padded with foam; the base inserted with care, more padding laid about it, then each half inserted into its purpose-cut slot, blocks of foam added to protect the straps, more foam and protection layered on top of that, case closed and locked.
Very unlike One Tree Hill.
Great care and respect have gone into this series. Outside the cauldron, branding bedecked every nook, cranny, food stall, pub, stage and bar, with decals emblazoning the event.
Speak to those in the know, and they won’t tell you directly, but rather hint at millions of rands (R10 million+) spent in the effort to create an identity and place of importance for the tour.
That respect and care translated into the stadium with every sponsor board covered by RGR signage; the only other partner on display was Castle Double Malt. The Ellis Park faithful, the Bok fanatics and Kiwi visitors extended that respect, no doubt thanks to Bok coach Rassie Erasmus’s plea during the build-up to respect the Haka, which they duly did.
It was a test match that honoured the rich history of the fixture both on and off the pitch. When the final whistle blew, the scoreboard reflected a battle worthy of another chapter in the rivalry, one that Bok supporters will wish to forget, while their All Black counterparts will revel in for years to come.
In the end, unlike the chaotic soap opera of TV drama, this opening chapter of Rugby’s Greatest Rivalry unscripted prestige in their 33-16 triumph — although many hearts arguably dropped into South African supporters' stomach due to the outcome.