Have you ever been in a situation where simply hearing someone's name makes your stomach turn and your heart race?
As comedian and content creator Farieda Metsileng articulated so sharply during a conversation on the SABS Network, that sudden surge of nausea or spike in adrenaline isn't a random inconvenience; it’s an internal alarm system.
"If you are feeling anxious about any kind of communication with a person you are in a relationship with, that is not good," Metsileng shared.
"Your physical is fighting what you know. So anytime you try and lie to yourself, your body goes, 'You're not supposed to be here. This is not the thing you're supposed to be doing.' I think we fail ourselves more than we think. For me, no one should make you feel that physically sick."
When you try to rationalise staying in a situation that isn't right for you, your physical self steps in as an unyielding whistleblower.
The neurobiology of the "stomach turn"
We often speak about intuition as a vague, spiritual instinct. However, what Metsileng describes is deeply rooted in human neurobiology.
When your stomach knots up at the sound of a name or the buzz of a notification, your body is executing a rapid survival mechanism.
Our brain and gut are in constant two-way communication via the vagus nerve. The enteric nervous system, often called the second brain, houses roughly 100 million nerve cells. When your subconscious detects inconsistency, deceit or emotional danger, it triggers a stress response that redirects blood flow away from digestion, producing that visceral sinking sensation.
Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio coined the term "somatic markers" to describe physical sensations linked to past emotional data. Your subconscious processes micro-expressions, shifts in tone and behavioural patterns far faster than your conscious mind can frame an argument. That racing heart is your amygdala flagging a threat long before you can articulate why.
Why do we override the warning signals?
"It feels like you're fighting against something you already know isn't meant for you," Metsileng noted.
"If you are in a situation where you keep questioning if you made the right decision, it's wrong. If you went against everything in your body, in your mind, and you've had little instances where your intuition is telling you, 'Eh, are you sure?'"
Despite these clear physical cues, we habitually override, rationalise and ignore them. We talk ourselves into staying in draining relationships for a few predictable reasons.
We are conditioned to prioritise politeness, second chances, and conflict avoidance over our "irrational" physical reactions.
Facing the truth often demands painful breakups, confrontation, or starting over. To shield us from immediate discomfort, the brain invents logical excuses while the body bears the physiological cost.
The more time, effort, or hope you invest in a person, the harder it becomes to accept that your body's distress is telling the truth.
Listening to the signal
No relationship, partnership or environment should leave you feeling perpetually sick, on edge or forced to talk yourself out of basic discomfort.
If every interaction forces you to fight against a reality you already know deep down, stop overriding your body's baseline.
Your mind can fabricate endless excuses, but your physiology cannot lie.
When your body is fighting to pull you out of a situation, the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself is listen.
alyssia.birjalal@nationalmg.co.za