Nearly two-thirds of South African teenagers face online harassment, but the real crisis isn't just how cruelty spreads - it's how it permanently disrupts a young person's life. From subtle social exclusion targeting girls to silent withdrawal in boys, cyberbullying destroys confidence, derails school marks, and follows learners straight into their bedrooms.
As digital humiliation turns private conflict into public entertainment, clinical experts and South African law are making one thing clear: online harassment is not a childhood phase to be ignored, but a growing mental health threat requiring immediate action.
Cyberbullying does not look the same for every teenager. But the bigger story is not that girls experience one kind of online cruelty and boys another. It is that the way young people are targeted can shape how they feel about themselves, their friendships, their motivation, and, eventually, their education.
"The National" spoke to clinical and academic experts to unpack how online cruelty affects different genders, why it leaves a permanent digital footprint, and how it impacts a child's future.
A 2026 study published by SciELO across four South African high schools found that nearly two-thirds (63.9%) of teenagers are caught up in cyberbullying. While girls reported a slightly higher rate (65.1%) than boys (62.6%), the damage was the same: a massive drop in everyday happiness, confidence, and school marks.
This is not simply a story about girls being more affected by social media or boys being more aggressive online. It is about how digital cruelty gets under a young person's skin and how difficult it can be to switch off from it.
Girls may experience more relational and sexualised forms of harm.
Dr Renée Small, a clinical psychologist at Diocesan School for Girls, says there can be differences in the way cyberbullying is carried out."Boys online tend to be direct, aggressive, and highly visible," says Dr Renée Small, a clinical psychologist at the Diocesan School for Girls (DSG).
They often use direct name-calling, or they create mocking memes and edited photos that deliberately target a specific weakness in another boy," she said.
For girls, the cruelty acts more like a quiet poison. "It is subtle and built around relationships," Dr Small explains.
"It looks like suddenly being kicked out of WhatsApp group chats, cryptic or coded captions on Snapchat, coordinated blocking on Instagram, and spreading rumours that have a tiny bit of truth but are completely stripped of context.
"When adults dismiss this as just 'girl drama', they make a dangerous mistake. The moment a humiliating post goes online, gender no longer matters. Other teenagers screenshot it, share it, laugh at it, and forward it.
"What started as a private argument between two people instantly becomes public entertainment. The victim is left watching their reputation get ruined in front of hundreds of peers.
The sexualised edge and the silent retreat
For teenage girls, online bullying can become sexualised very quickly. This includes sharing intimate photos without permission, making up rumours about a girl’s sexual behaviour, or sending unwanted explicit messages.
Dr Yemisi Oduntan, a clinical psychologist, notes that while gender does not predict who will be bullied, it definitely changes how they are targeted.
On the other hand, South African boys are culturally conditioned to suffer in absolute silence. Because of societal pressures to "act like a man", a teenage boy targeted by digital threats, blackmail, or embarrassing photos rarely asks for help.
Instead, his pain shows up as sudden bursts of anger, complete withdrawal from family life, or suddenly giving up on school.
That is why the warning signs are often more useful than the gender of the child. Small says parents and teachers should watch for social withdrawal, anxiety, changes in mood, lower self-esteem, poor sleep, changes in eating patterns, difficulty concentrating, secrecy around devices, and a sudden drop in motivation or school performance.
The important clue is often change.
The ultimate cost and the digital footprint
The real danger of online bullying is its absolute permanence. Unlike a playground fight, digital humiliation never stops. It follows the child into their bedroom, to sports practice, and into the classroom.
In South Africa, this endless pressure has already led to the worst possible tragedy. The heartbreaking case of 15-year-old Lufuno Mavhunga, a Limpopo learner who took her own life after a video of her being assaulted by a peer went viral, showed the country the devastating power of social media amplification.
The fact that the video was shared repeatedly robbed her of her dignity and made the emotional weight impossible to bear.
But Oduntan warns that gender should not be seen as the only factor in predicting who will be bullied. “Instead, gender differences may be more noticeable in the type of cyberbullying experienced.”
When school starts becoming too much
Cyberbullying can consume the mental space a teenager needs for learning. If a pupil is constantly checking their phone to see whether another rumour has been posted, wondering who has seen an embarrassing photograph or worrying about what awaits them at school the next morning, there is less emotional energy available for mathematics, reading, sport, friendships or simply being a teenager.
That creates a vicious cycle:
- Bullying affects confidence.
- Confidence affects participation.
- Withdrawal affects friendships.
- Anxiety affects concentration.
- Poor concentration affects schoolwork.
- Falling marks can then further damage confidence.
And the effects can stretch beyond adolescence. When bullying happens, everyone who is involved or witnesses it can have lasting impacts on their mental health and well-being.
Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes, including increased risks of depression and anxiety, substance use, and suicide.
What parents and schools need to stop doing
The answer is not simply taking away the phone. Nor is it telling a teenager to “ignore it”. South African law is very clear: cyberbullying is a crime, not a childhood phase.
- The Protection from Harassment Act: Any child over the age of 10 can go to a local magistrate's court and apply for a protection order against their bully.
- The Cybercrimes Act: It is a criminal offence to share data, messages, or images intended to cause mental harm or incite violence.
Taking away a teenager's phone or telling them to "just ignore it" does not work. Schools must have clear, immediate steps to preserve digital evidence, protect victims from retaliation, and step in the moment a post goes viral.
vuyile.madwantsi@nationalmg.co.za